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| Joe (Papa), Devon & Marty (Daddy) |
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We hope that we can offer a little encouragement for those of you in the adoption process. Whether you are just considering adoption or have been on a "waiting list" for years, single, married, gay or straight. If you want it bad enough and it's meant to be, it will happen.
We want to share a little bit about our adoption experience with anyone interested. In June, 2002 we decided that being a same-sex couple shouldn't stop us from being parents. It was something that we'd both felt strongly about our entire lives and had basically given-up on the idea once we knew that we were gay.
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Luckily, with the laws the way that they are where we live, we had the option of adopting - the law applies to everyone whether your gay, straight, single or with a partner. With this in mind, we began searching out other same-sex couples who had already embarked on the journey that we were about to begin. After visiting with a couple that had a beautiful 3-year-old son, we were convinced -- we just HAD to adopt..
We searched the Yellow Pages, for a licensed adoption agency in our city and decided on one that we'd heard about from a couple that we had talked to.
After making the appointment to visit with the director of the agency it began to sink in... "We are really doing this"!! The meeting with the director was wonderful. She made us feel very at-ease and explained what the entire process would involve.
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| Marty and Joe |
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| Here we are with Emily, right before her C-Section. |
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Once we decided to get started we committed to having a Home Study done. The whole idea of a social worker coming in and "picking" our brains for the "why, what, etc", made us both a little nervous. The process was painless, the social worker couldn't have been better and actually we enjoyed it a great deal. After about 14 hours of interviews with the social worker, both together and separately, required background checks and references, we were done -- at least with the first step.
We were told that same-sex couples generally wait longer than most married couples since most birth-mothers would probably choose them first. However there are the occasional birth-moms that insist that her child be brought-up by a same-sex couple.
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We wrote our "Dear Birthmother Letter", and anticipated a "long wait". We were in SHOCK when at the end of September, 2002; just a few weeks after completing our Home Study we were told that a birthmom had "chosen" us!!
We agreed to meet for lunch the next day. For some reason Joe and I had always had a feeling that we were going to have a baby girl because the name "Emily" kept running through our heads. We decided that when we did have a baby we would call her, Emily. Choosing a boy's name didn't even occur to us. I think one of the more ironic (and spooky) things that happened was when we found out at lunch that the birthmom's name was "Emily". When we learned this I had goose bumps all over my body. Emily quickly informed us that she indeed was going to be giving birth to a boy -- we really didn't have a preference either way and Joe instantly came up with the name "Devon". We also learned that she was due to give birth "anytime"! The poor girl looked so uncomfortable -- I'd never seen a pregnant woman look so BIG!!
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| Emily, just moments before giving birth. |
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| Proud Dads, in the O/R just moments after Devon was born. |
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| Of course we had so many questions we felt like babbling idiots. Luckily though, we all hit it off instantly and the conversation was easy. However, the thought of being "Dads" in a matter of days was quite overwhelming! After lunch, we had agreed that we definitely wanted to proceed if the birthmom was still interested. She was!!
The following week we drove to meet her at her OB appointment and were able to go into the exam room. Hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time, made everything so "real"... I thought I was going to pass out. The doctor said that the baby would need to be delivered via C-Section, since the birthmom had two previous children this way. So, the date was set for Monday, October 7, 2002 at 9AM. We couldn't believe it!! We were going to be Dads on Monday morning!!
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